Communicate through pushed buttons
Updated: Nov 19, 2022
Here we are again, the holidays. They can be filled with joy.... and maybe there is also a twinge in the gut that says:"Ugh, family time." or as a friend recently muttered,
"It's trigger town."
How do we survive time with other humans who know where our buttons are located and have them on speed dial? How do we survive "blind side attacks"?
Whether it is in business or in life we are sometimes caught off guard by reactions we receive from others and our reactions to their reactions.
What if there was a way to handle it all differently?
Marshall Rosenberg developed a dynamic system that gets to the heart of meaningful, honest connection: Non-Violent Communication.
Note: Just cuz you learn and practice this does not mean anyone else will be different. It just means we can be different.
How does it work?
Honestly, it's not a cinch. However, when used in earnest, it makes for a different experience that I would categorize as "better".
Vulnerability+Curiosity+Feelings+Needs+Request=Non Violent Communications (NVC)
Click here for Yoram Mosenzon describing more about NVC in his video: Vulnerable Honesty
Click hereto learn how CEO Satya Nadella is using NVC to change the Microsoft culture
Your partner says:
“You’re wearing that?“
Your response without using NVC. “I picked this out special. You don’t understand fashion or me!” “ You are always putting me down!”
With NVC: "I am feeling surprised and sad because I put a lot of thought into this outfit. I picked it out because I need comfort especially this time of year, I like to chow down and truth, I need to be comfortable. I’d really want to wear it, it's blousy and comfy. Would you be willing to help me understand what you dislike about it?”
A business acquaintance says:
"Your Presentation was a little off"
Without NVC you may say (or only think): "What do you mean it was off? It really seems you missed the point altogether."
With NVC: "Hmm, I was feeling really happy about the presentation. I spent a lot of time preparing it to answer the the client's questions. I was really wanting support. Would you be willing to help me go through it to see where it could better answer their questions and help me understand your concerns?"
In these two scenarios NVC is overlaid, the receiver remains open, curious and vulnerable.
They express their feelings (how it felt to receive the feedback) followed by what their need or what the speaker wanted, needed or was trying to accomplish.
Finally, a request is made to further the conversation and to keep it going through keeping a sense of curiosity and openness.
You decide: Which of the answers in these two scenarios could make you want to keep the conversation going?
NVC can allow a gateway to a different conversation and perhaps a new dynamic can begin.
Have questions or want to learn more, give me a shout
Happy Holidays to everyone! I am grateful for your interest!
Hugs to you and yours,
aka The Beekeeper