It was 3:00 AM.
The swirling thought was,
“Why?”
“What could I have done differently?”
At bullet speed, it hit.
“I could be wrong!”
That is when the cognitive dissonance led me to the answers.
There are times in life when things happen that you can’t explain. Things you feel are certain are quaked free, like in an earthquake. It is in these moments that we experience a shift in our reality. These are the times when change that sometimes leads to growth, occurs.
Quakes happen in these sorts of times: You’re passed over for the promotion you were certain was coming. You lose a big customer. Out of the blue, your best employee quits. And of course, the personal times. Your wife asks for a divorce. Friendships die. Your kid joins the army, verses finishing college.
These quakes offer us a chance to reexamine what we know and to gather new information.
It is our first instinct is to immediately seek information, to reassess our worth. Fear sweeps through us and tries to shore up what we can to gain understanding and reevaluate our truths. We look for proof of our self-worth. (That is after we crumble into a mass of despair and disappointment.)
The exploration that occurs helps us to close the gap between what we KNOW and REALITY as it is happening RIGHT now.
The discoveries within the exploration are the growth-the gold.
Most of us hate the feeling of “I could be wrong,” because it forces us to look closely at ourselves, at the other, at our situation, and then we realize, once again that personal growth is always the answer, even when we hate the question.
Those moments between “I could be wrong,” and the new reality, are rich and necessary even though they are painful.
I invite you to give in and welcome these moments. Relish in them and allow yourself to have them.
Resist the urge fight or rail again them by insisting, “But I am right!” Like a fish in a net, we are tempted to flail and fight. When we stay still and allow our heart to lead, and mind to follow, peace can come and what we learn from the experience, is pure gold.
The moments of growth are ripe for reaching out to friends, colleagues, your priest or your most respected mentors and advisors.
Reach out. Try out your thoughts. Express your feelings. Ask for what you need because these are the times to lean into community. Lean into the parts that prove the reality you know really does exist, yet there is a crack in the door for something new and exciting.
Allow that too.
This is what growth looks like.