The mirror steamed, I had allowed myself a break and the thought “This has been one challenging year,” once again, ran through my brain.
We have faced a lot and sadly, it's not over.
Most of us are beyond weary of this pandemic and not being able to do ______ (fill in the blank)
However, the part of my brain that reminds me that I have it really good likes to pooh, pooh any negative thoughts.
It gives me the “Yes , but,” or “Well, at least… “… the old silver lining plus guilt because things truly are good on many levels. The thinking goes...
"If they are good on some levels then, I really don’t deserve to feel badly because so many others have it so much worse."
This is true annnnnnnd; this shit is hard. Read More
That is when I remember paradox. Things can be good and they can be hard at the same time:
I can be cozy in my house And feel sad that I can’t hug my friends or even breathe their air. (I can feel this way even if others have it in a way that feels worse to me, like those at the homeless camp blocks away)
I can like what I do for a living And I can notice that there are hard parts about it too.
My partner can be a good person and he can get on my nerves. (No offense Honey, I’m 100% certain you’d say, “Right back at ya.” )
Good news. I found a new question and it has been offering something different. It goes like this…when I am feeling the paradox, I have started exploring this line of thinking. “What feels like relief? “
“Where can I find relief?” or
“ I feel relief when…”
All of this holding up and keeping going, is trying. While we may be able to run a marathon, we know that it is over at 26.2 miles. Just like we know 2020 is over on December 31, yet we do not know when we will be able do things we find “normal” or merely comfortable again and that is hard to hold.
The no deadline of the pandemic is unlike anything many of us have ever experienced before.
And in a year that I keep wondering to myself, “When is summer getting here?” I have to laugh at the complexity. May I offer an Invitation to join me?
“What gives you relief?” Here is permission: Allow yourself relief, regularly.
What gives me relief?…Taking a day off, A bath, a long shower, talking to a friend, writing, crying, walking, singing, and finally just going with the flow and realizing that I can’t control any of it.
By offering ourselves a break in life or work, it makes everything more plausible, and certainly during what many of us may deem, “the hardest year of our lives,” it may just be, our salvation.
Keep Going Friends,
Shelly
Aka The BeeKeeper